Being betrayed and left heartbroken from one’s love is best put as ‘A dagger to the core of the Heart’. This persistent dagger, accompanied by continuous pain, stays in our hearts, relentlessly tormenting us every day, every hour, every second, with constant whispers to our hearts: “What did I do wrong”? and “Do I deserve to be happy”?.
The smile that just graced your face a minute ago, perhaps prompted by a friend’s silly joke, or you just heard a funny conversation between two kids, or you smiled upon life for just the way it is, Was it a true smile? Did that smile count in my true moments of happiness? Was I really happy? Am I healed now?
Does a person leaving your life, choosing not to give you attention, not replying to your texts, and just going cold affect you in any way? Is it just your brain cooking up stories due to a lack of any life goals, adventure or financial freedom? Do we need to heal from a heartbreak? Do we really go through a loss after a break-up?
When a person loses the one they truly loved, the loss experienced by the human body is way more excruciating than what meets the human eye. “Lost love can be termed as a slow poison that destroys the very fabric of an individual’s sanity.”
“How can someone else’s life choices, actions, or even words, shatter another person’s peace, entrap them in grips of constant anxiety, and make them lose their self-confidence? The worse, they are propelled into nightmares of mental clarity – ‘Depression’?” Yes, heartbreak does that to a person. Let’s break it down –
What happens when someone comes close to our heart?
Evidence now exists, not very significant but minute, the presence of an electromagnetic communication system that operates free from our conscious brain. Studies show that electromagnetic waves from an individual’s body start to synchronise with the electromagnetic waves of another individual in the case of ‘Love is in the Air’. Even it is seen when people are in love, especially couples, their heartbeats also start to beat in a similar rhythm signifying a deeper connection. Whereas if you do not like someone, you would feel unease and these magnetic reactions would work in repulsion, disrupting any potential synchronicity…
That’s how beautiful love is, when it gets deeper and deeper, an individual’s body starts getting habitual to their partner’s bodily presence, their touch, their breathing, even their scent. Each conversation with them sets the body’s magnetic waves at music that creates a symphony of Euphoria that knows no bounds. You just can’t stop yourself from keeping them out of your thoughts and just like a drug addict you lose control of yourself……. That’s what love is: Surrender – you let yourself flow in the high tide of passion. (If not with the right person, it’s a recipe for destruction :D) – (Cool…. Let’s move forward.)
The game then one day comes to an end – Butterflies are gone, and the “Use and Throw“ command is entered (being objectified for physical or emotional needs is not a good feeling).
Now, when one of the two makes the heart-wrenching choice to shatter another’s heart, leaving them with a bag full of broken dreams and trust. Imagine, what happens to the heart of the one who was all happy swimming in the ocean of love, imagining all kinds of romantic fairy tale scenes and dreaming of their destination wedding, swimming deep in the Ocean of Love?
What happens on the Physical Level?
Multiple brain studies have concluded that when romantic love is taken away from an individual whom they truly value and care for, it triggers a physiological response that mimics similar to what withdrawal from drugs like cocaine or heroin would look like. Drug addicts when trying to break free from substance abuse go through withdrawal symptoms, they understand their bodily reactions to needing a specific drug. The pity part is when an individual loses the girl or the man they loved, they are not even aware of what is happening to their brain and body and they stay in a state of constant questioning, “Why and What is happening to me?”
In a groundbreaking study in 1991 done by Dr. Amour, a truly fascinating revelation came to light: our heart is a house to a complex network of 40,000 specialized neurites similar to neurons found in our brain.
This reflects the presence of a second nervous system present in our hearts. This can be interpreted as our heart has its brain which has been termed the “Heart Brain“ by researchers.
More astonishing is that the heart sends more signals than it receives to our all-knowing brain. The signals sent by the heart influence our interpretation of what we perceive of the world, our emotional responses to what the world does to us, and our advanced cognitive functions.
What is interesting for the ones stung by the bee of love, is that neurites in the heart majorly moderate pain and modulate it, influencing the pain regions of the brain. In layman’s words, the heart manages how much or in what way the brain lets our body experience that emotional pain. Yes, we can say that when trauma or emotional pain is stored in our body it’s not only in the brain but also somewhere in the 40,000 sensory neurons in the heart.
Great news, now we need to heal from two places; our brain and heart. Yes, it’s true for romantics, oh yes it’s a fact, that your heart is not just a blood-pumping machine but it beats and dances to the rhythm of your emotions too. A heart in pain is a real thing. Oh no! Correctly saying ‘Pain in the Heart’ is a real thing. Whatever!
Hormones
When we fall in love our brain shoots up the production of the feel-good love hormone called “Oxytocin”, that facilitates bonding and intimacy. It’s the spice for love. Additionally, when we fall in love, two other players come into action: dopamine, a neurotransmitter related to action and reward, and serotonin, another neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation. The supply of all three rises when we fall in love. Slowly our brain gets habitual to it. 
But then, the breakup happens. They no longer want you. The supply of these hormones, which were once ‘The Elixir of Love’ to our brain, stops. Just as drug addicts suddenly stop getting drugs and go into withdrawal, a heartbroken person goes into hormonal withdrawal.
Now, a drug addict would go to any limit to restore the drug supply, and so would a heartbroken person’s brain. Oh yes, that’s the reason people go and do stupid stuff after a breakup. Some might beg for their lover to come back, some might sleep with random people, and some might turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with the withdrawal symptoms.
But what do the studies say? Are these the perfect ways to cope with a breakup? Certainly Not.
How to Heal?
Heartbreak is nothing easy to heal from if it was true love. The ones that move on very quickly, were never in love. Yes, you were just the flavour of the month. But, the ones who go through that process of forming a deep connection with someone, and then get it taken away from them, suffer both at physical and emotional levels. Losing up your self-confidence, with your deepest insecurities just touching the sky, is not a good mind frame to live in. An individual after being heartbroken just feels like an idiot. The key to feeling better is the resupply of those hormones to the brain but in healthy ways.
1. Social Support (Friends and Family) – One mistake that people generally make is while being newly exposed to being single and not being able to share their feelings, their day-to-day happenings and their lives with their desired partner, they try to fill that emotional void with a new person, a rebound relationship, meaningless sex, or drown in alcohol. All this is mostly short-lived. This leads you to a sudden emotional hangover as all this just creates a temporary distraction for your heart and mind. The trauma and pain, in reality, have made a small home in your heart.
The trauma in your heart needs to be dealt with patiently rather to be ignored. Talking to a genuine old friend, someone who really cares about you, or someone from your family can significantly alleviate the pain. You just need to cross that little hurdle of opening up to someone and admitting that yes you are in a vulnerable spot. It’s OK; all humans have their weak moments, and you are no Special.
You simply need to just find a healthy way to resupply your brain with the hormones that it is craving. This can be achieved by strengthening your bond with your loved ones, engaging in meaningful conversations and even cuddling with your pets.
2. A Diary – If you are not comfortable enough to talk to someone or you do not have someone whom you can share your feelings with, try to pen down all that’s in your heart on the pages of a diary. You need to see the facts more clearly as love just lowers your IQ.
In our minds, we tend to create fairy tale scenarios, “how the one that left us was so special,” “how difficult it might have been for her to leave you,” or “how he would never find someone more beautiful than me and will eventually return to me”.
All CRAP!
If they were thinking about you, they would have not left you. The earth keeps on moving 24/7, so should you. As you are no special, the one you loved, who broke your precious heart, is not either. If they were, they would have remained by your side.
So create an exhaustive list in your diary in what ways the person was bad for you.
– Did they fuck up your mental health? – Yes they did.
– Did they not give a fuck when you needed them? – No they did not.
– Did they reply or call back when needed? – Not at all.
– Were they one of the biggest liars you ever met? – Yes they were.
– Were his pants or her panties ultra-loose to fall for any random shit? – Yes they were.
And the list can have endless possibilities. You can tailor it according to your unique situation. It’s recommended to keep a version of this list on your mobile too. Whenever you feel a whiff of air smelling like her hair or like his cologne, just take out the phone, read the list of how they destroyed your heart, and you’ll find your way back to emotional equilibrium.
3. Zero Connection – Imagine if a drug addict embarks on a journey of drug-free life. The journey goes well for a day, then two, then a week, and even 10 days. But on the 11th day, for some inexplicable reason, the addict’s brain begins to offer justifications to try drugs again, just for the sake of novelty. What the brain is doing is giving rationales so that it can go back to those moments of euphoria that the addict experienced when they were consuming the poisonous drugs. And once they succumb to their brain’s justification and take drugs, all the hard work done for 10 days goes down the gutter.
A similar scenario unfolds when the brain is not receiving its usual supply of love hormones, that it had grown habitual to in the relationship. A heartbroken person most probably would try to re-establish contact with their poisonous partner (Snake for god sake). However, you do not want to do that, because like any amount of drugs would do no good to the drug addict, staying in touch with someone who is not for you would just intensify the pain.
So, zero contact with your “X” for at least 2-3 months should be one’s utmost priority if they want to heal. That means no chatting (Avoid any, “I miss you,” “I can’t live without you,” or “What will I do without you” – no such bullshit allowed), no calling (random calls filled with sobbing sounds would not make the person your soulmate), no social media stalking, and no sexual involvement.
What we are aiming for is to break those neural connections that are associated with the person of the past.
4. Fill the VOID – When a person leaves someone, she or he leaves a big space in your life. The activities that you shared as a couple, the daily good morning and good night texts, and the places that you frequented together. Most importantly, they take away the person that you could talk to. When we fall in love, yes we fall in love with the person but more importantly, the version of us that we are with them, the version that we adore, that makes a lot of sense to our heart.
One needs to find themselves back after the initial painful phase of a breakup. Find what gives you pleasure. Discover activities that you can do by yourself and still be happy, needing no one by your side. It’s time to enlighten your life with clarity of what holds meaning in your life. These would be the activities that are worth a second of your life’s listed time.
Small wins in life create a profound impact on our lost self-confidence. Start moving towards progressing onto the path of accomplishing your life goals. Breaking your record in a deadlift, managing a proper nutritious diet every day, embarking upon a project that would take you towards financial freedom. Start making your parents feel loved.
When did you last hug your mom and dad, or even say I love you, or just show them gratitude that they did a pretty good job at raising you well? Even, putting food on your table that you have been taking for granted from the second you took your first breath. A lifelong commitment by your mum and dad holds infinite times more value in comparison to the fleeting love of some snake. Even completing a book that has been eating dust for ages in your wardrobe. Life goals fulfilled, earn you a great deal of confidence.
Conclusion
It’s a humble request to all who read this: if you love masquerading as true love to someone, but your intentions are stemming from mere infatuation, back off from toying with someone’s heart. When you eventually leave and go to live your life full of adventure, the person you played with, will be trapped in a body that has a heart burdened by misery. A mind seemingly incapable of mustering the confidence to carry their life on. A chest full of pain, making it daunting to breathe the next breath. Their nights just become longer. 
Let’s end this with a cliche – If some weak human broke your heart: “Heal (it’s your duty to your mom, dad and your heart). Rebuild your romantic confidence; there are plenty of fish in the sea that are hotter and loyal than the previous one”.
Take a leap of faith into falling in love again because there’s bound to be someone who will cherish everything that your beautiful heart has to offer.”
Time is the most precious wealth you have. Do not waste it for someone who did not give a fuck about you. There is no need to over-romanticise love. Chase your dreams (not some silly dumbhead), and make yourself the man/woman of your dreams. Lead a life of example. So that, on your deathbed, you can smile look at the past and say, “It was a life well lived.”
Piece of Advice – Please refrain from “Falling in Love” or compromising your standards; instead “Rise in Love” and live in your Prime.
Very well explained about love and feeling we all have..❤️❤️❤️
thank you Miss.Sobia. 😀
My key takeaways from this blog are the concepts of Electromagnetic waves and Heart Brain part.
Loved the how to heal part coz thats the most important one.
Keep writing.
we try our best.. thank you. 😀
Very well written! Loved the analogy of a drug addict’s withdrawal symptoms. Also, great explanation for Hormonal impact and How to deal with it!✌️
Thanks you Miss.Simar… We are happy that our words were worth your precious time.
I guess we all are addicts indeed in our own ways, some get a reflection of this addiction during the heartbreak, when the drug is taken away
well written Dilpreet 🙂
Indeed humans are a biggest addicts to their habits.
Thanks Chitwan, appreciate your wise words.
Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and in depth information you present.
It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Fantastic read!
I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my
Google account.
Thanks a lot sir. It means a lot that my blog was worth your time.. 😀